Moments of Desperation

Accidents happen all the time and when you least expect them. As I was reading The Burn Journals I couldn’t stop thinking about my ten days at the hospital. In a sort of way I was able to relate with Brent. Still what happened to him was no accident. He wanted to die and decided to set fire to himself and he is now paying for those consequences. Even though he is badly injured and his life is still at risk, he realized that he wanted to continue living. “Maybe I should ask them to unplug me. But I don’t want to die anymore.” (Pg.30) At least something good came out of this accident. I also realized that the reasons he wanted to die were because of school and because of the high expectations his parents had of him. “…how I didn’t want them to be mad at me because they both wanted me to be so smart and I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you wanted.” (Pg. 42) I don’t even want to think how his parents were feeling after this incident. Were they feeling guilty? Do they feel that they had to make it up to his son? As I kept reading I was able to see that both his dad and mom were very caring. They would read him comics, show him pictures and gifts from all of his friends, and most importantly they would comfort him.

Even though my accident was way simpler than his, and was actually a real accident, I was able to relate with him. Especially when he states, “I want to go home. They tell me that home is fine and I´ll be home soon. But I want to be home now.” (Pg.30) I can see myself saying the same thing every morning. I was so desperate at the hospital and so nervous of what might happen to my arm that I would had given anything to be back home. As he describes how they take him to the surgery room I see myself on the surgery bed. I remembered how I used to tremble and cry every time they took me down the elevator. And just like Brent, I remembered having beeping machines with numbers that went up and down. On the first two surgeries my oxygen saturation was really low and they had to put me an oxygen mask. For the third surgery I learned that if I breathed slowly and took deep breaths the numbers will maintain high and I wouldn’t be in need of oxygen. Just like Brent states: “…so I just keep trying to breathe deep so the number is high.” (Pg.34)
“I hate the way it looks and I cry.” (Pg.35) I felt exactly the same way the first and second time I looked at my arm. I didn’t liked at all how it looked and I now prefer to look the other way when ever they take the bandages off. And last but not least, my mom comforts me the same way Brent´s mom comforted him. “This is just the first day. Everything is going to look so much better in a few weeks. And in a few months your hands will almost be back to normal. You’re going to be okay, honey.” (Pg.45) Each time I was desperate and I wanted to give up my mom would say something really similar and I would be able to put myself back together. I learned that on these situations the support of your parents and friends is really important and it really helps. It helped me at least, and I’m pretty sure that Brent is going to be able to get better by the support of them.