A Little Change

When I started reading The Burn Journals I saw that the tone was pretty neutral and childish. I knew how severe his accident was, but still he didn’t express it quite well. Brent has been in the hospital for weeks and he doesn’t seem so desperate until now. He seemed to be accepting his consequences and with the only person he didn’t like to talk at all was Dr.Rubinstein. As I continued with the reading I saw that Brent was out of patience and tired of everything. He is bad with the world. “Then they like to tell me if I relax and breathe deeply, then I won´t be in as much pain. That’s complete bullshit. I´d like to see them breathe deeply and take this pain without drugs. I’m sick of pain.” (Pg.87) I totally agree with him. Nobody can feel what he is feeling and there are no words to describe the pain and desperation that one is feeling at that time. Nobody, but you, can understand what you’re going through. As he states: “I understand, she says, but it’s painfully fucking obvious that she understands about as much as I understand Austrian, which is none at all.” (Pg.88) Eventhough you feel his anger and desperation, when I read this phrase I laughed a bit. Brent was able to combine his anger with humor, which is something hard to do. Or maybe he is just so bad that it becomes funny.  

His tone is each time more negative. “That’s where you’re wrong. I don’t have to say another word to you if I don’t want to. I don’t even have to open my mouth. (Pg.89) When his accident was recent Brent seemed to see the cup half full and he finally found a meaning to life, he no longer wanted to die. But as the months pass he starts seeing the cup half empty, which is understandable. I spent ten days at the hospital and was desperate. Brent had to stay lying on his stomach for ten days, no wonder he was angry. He no longer cares about anything and just wants for this nightmare to be over. “…over the wall of get well soon letters from God knows who….” (Pg. 90) He no longer gives a damn of who is sending him letters and who is not. Will his attitude start changing once again or he is giving up now?

I kept reading and realized that he is still accepting all of these consequences. “I don’t care if they are terrible memories. They’re mine.” (Pg.92) He made a terrible mistake of setting himself on fire, but the past is the past and there’s nothing you can do it to change it. Even though this memory is a bad one, it makes part of who you are and it helps you grow as a person.